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Leaning into Uncertainty: Using CBT techniques to reduce postnatal anxiety

Becoming a parent doesn’t just change your routine, it shifts how you think, feel, and see

yourself and the world. There’s a concept called matrescence, a word used to describe the

transition into becoming a mother. It captures the huge physical, psychological, and

emotional changes that happen after birth: hormonal fluctuations, changes in your body, and

often a deep shift in your sense of identity. Some things stay familiar, but many things can

suddenly feel different, unfamiliar, or even unrecognisable.


The postnatal period is often full of mixed emotions — joy, love, exhaustion, and for many, a

constant undercurrent of worry. You’re suddenly responsible for a tiny human, routines are

unpredictable, and everyday decisions can feel loaded with pressure. How well you know

and understand yourself before pregnancy and birth can really help with this transition. Being

aware of how you tend to cope with the unexpected and adapt to change allows you to

reflect on whether your usual coping style is likely to support or undermine your emotional

wellbeing.


Personality plays a big role in how we respond to stress, uncertainty, responsibility, and

change -- all of which arrive in full force after a baby is born. Whether you lean towards

perfectionism, anxiety, people-pleasing, or strong independence, understanding your natural

patterns can help you anticipate where you might struggle and where you’re likely to cope

well. This kind of self-awareness makes it easier to plan realistic support, adjust

expectations, and notice unhelpful thinking early, rather than being blindsided by it when

you’re already exhausted and overwhelmed.


If you’re familiar with anxiety, you may already recognise that it’s often the unexpected that

triggers that intense feeling of things spiralling out of control. Anxiety thrives on uncertainty.

When the brain can’t predict or control an outcome, it often fills in the gaps with worst-case

scenarios as a way of trying to keep you safe. This can trigger uncomfortable physical

sensations, emotions, and racing thoughts that feel hard to manage.


When these reactions show up, our natural response is usually to try to reduce or eliminate

them as quickly as possible. We might mentally rehearse worst-case scenarios, over-plan, or

try to control as many variables as we can to create a sense of certainty. Reassurance

seeking is another common response - checking with others or turning to Google to ease

doubt. These strategies make a lot of sense, but while they can bring short-term relief, they

often keep anxiety going in the long run.


Uncertainty sits right at the centre of anxiety, and during the postnatal period, the level of

uncertainty is often at an all-time high. Babies don’t come with a manual. Sleep is

unpredictable, recovery varies, and your baby’s needs can change from day to day. Just

when something feels worked out, it shifts again. There’s also uncertainty around your own

body, emotions, and identity, alongside inconsistent or conflicting advice and the unhelpful

habit of comparing yourself to others. All of this creates a perfect storm for anxiety,

particularly for anyone who finds uncertainty difficult.


Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) focuses on exploring how we think, feel, and act, and

how these three processes influence one another. Understanding this connection can help

you make sense of your reactions, challenge unhelpful patterns, and respond to difficult

situations in a calmer, more manageable way. Anxiety often rests on the belief that certainty

equals safety. CBT techniques gently challenge this idea, helping to build flexibility,

resilience, and trust in yourself. The more we try to eliminate uncertainty, the louder anxiety

tends to become, creating a loop where not knowing leads to worry, and worry increases the

need for certainty.


Learning to lean into uncertainty rather than fight it can significantly reduce anxiety’s grip.

There are three key ideas that can help ease the struggle with uncertainty in the postnatal

period: anxiety can exist without needing immediate action, thoughts don’t have to dictate

behaviour, and discomfort is temporary and survivable. Accepting that uncertainty is an

unavoidable part of raising a child is vital. The goal isn’t to eliminate it, but to live alongside it

without fear and anxiety running the show.


Over time, confidence grows not from controlling every outcome, but from trusting your

ability to cope with whatever arises. Practically, this means reducing the urge to over-plan or

control every situation. Focus on essentials that are realistically within your control and

remind yourself that you can problem-solve challenges as they come. You don’t need to

have everything figured out in advance to be a good parent.


Anxiety pulls us out of the present moment and into an imagined future - often a negative

one that isn’t happening and may never happen. One way to counter this is to bring your

mind back to where your body is. Noticing when your thoughts have drifted into “what if?”

territory and gently reconnecting with your senses can help anchor you in the here and now.

What can you see, hear, or feel around you? Coming back to what is actually happening can

take some of the power away from anxious thoughts.


Reducing reassurance seeking can also help build trust in your own judgement and increase

your tolerance of uncertainty. In the postnatal period, reassurance seeking can show up in

many everyday ways: repeatedly checking with a partner or health professional that your

baby is safe, constantly Googling symptoms or behaviours even after being reassured, or

comparing your experience to other parents to see if you’re “on track.” While reassurance

can feel helpful in the moment, it tends to provide only short-term relief. Doubt usually

returns, often stronger than before, which can increase anxiety over time.


Learning to tolerate doubt and trust yourself allows anxiety to settle more naturally.

Struggling with uncertainty doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent, it means you’re human,

adjusting to one of the biggest transitions there is. With awareness, compassion, and the

right tools, it’s possible to reduce anxiety’s hold and make space for the moments of

connection and presence that matter most.


The postnatal period brings huge change, and it’s completely understandable that

uncertainty and anxiety often come along for the ride. Getting to know your own patterns,

noticing how anxiety reacts to the unknown, and using CBT ideas can help take some of the

pressure off, rather than adding more. You don’t need to feel certain to be coping well, or to

be a good parent. What really helps is trusting that you can handle things as they come,

even when they feel messy or unclear. When you stop fighting uncertainty and allow it to be

there, anxiety often loosens its grip, making space for more confidence, calm, and presence.

Parenting isn’t about having everything figured out; it’s about learning as you go and finding

your feet in the middle of the unknown.


I’m Sian, a qualified Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and founder of The CBT Space. I provide evidence-based CBT for adults, both online and in person, from my private therapy room in Exmouth, Devon. I’m a mother of two with lived experience of postnatal anxiety and depression. Alongside my clinical work, I’ve worked in NHS mental health research since 2009, as well as volunteering with the Association for Postnatal Illness. I also contribute regularly to the award-winning Postnatal Pod, supporting maternal wellbeing. 

 

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